When In Doubt, Hold Your Tongue
You know what makes me angry?
Bullshit makes me angry.
Bullshit in the form of an open mouth that comes along with a closed mind. It’s one thing to be ignorant, it’s another to be unwilling to find out more to be informed before forming or giving any opinions.
Giving bullshit excuses. Like stuff people say to get out of doing stuff they don't want to do. Bullshit like ‘I’m too busy’. People make time for who they wanna make time for. People text, call and reply to whoever they want to. If people want to be around you, they will. So when I hear 'I’m too busy’, without making alternative plans with me, then what I really hear is 'I’m too busy for you.’ Yet they never seem too busy for everyone else, or watching their toenails grow.
More seriously, the things people say to justify their actions, so they don't have to be responsible for fixing the things that need fixing. Bullshit with a Capital B.S. people in the form of BullShit behaviour. Like being mean or a bully, but pretending to be nice on the outside. Like being hurtful to someone and claiming you are doing so in the name of love. Great manipulators are great at confusing the reality. They can lie, cheat, treat you badly and somehow make it seem like it's all your fault. Never theirs. You gotta watch out for this type of dangerous bullshit.
How do you know it’s bullshit? When you start to feel something is not right in your gut, no matter how much your mind or heart wants it to believe otherwise. Don’t fall for that bullshit. If this is something you can talk about with the other person, tell them how you feel and discuss how you can work it out. Cut through the crap so you don't have to be made to feel like crap. If they are unwilling to do so, Run, run, as fast as you can. Run, run, as far as you can. Don’t let them catch you. Don’t be the gingerbread man.
Bullshit could be unintentional. Caused by a lack of awareness of what is truly going on.
Like sometimes, I get angry. I am angry because I am hurt. But I don't realize that. I just get mad. It means while i seem to be pushing people away with my bullshit behaviour, what I need is for someone else to reach out and draw me close. It is a cry for help underneath all that pride. I need to be loved not punished or hurt even further. But of course, the other person who becomes the punching bag wouldn’t see it that way. They would see red and be all mad at me back. Even if they did recognise it, It is not easy for the other person to act loving back to someone who makes it so difficult to do so.
It took me a while, but I managed to get what was going on, get over myself, and get on with it.
Here’s how I do it: I. just. stop. it.
When I get mad, I wanna get even. I wanna lash out. But I stop myself from doing something permanently stupid just because I am temporarily upset. I choose to find another way of behaving to get my needs met instead. And it starts with me keeping my mouth shut while I am upset. And it saves me from doing more damage than is worth.
When in doubt, and you aren't sure, hold your tongue. Even a fish can avoid problems if it keeps its mouth shut. Never speak from a place of hate, anger, jealousy or insecurity. Be quick to act (acknowledge, apologize, understand), slow to react (pause and breathe. Breathe in, breathe out, just breathe and be mindful of your breathing process. Plus you get a much needed hit of oxygen to your brain. Release your trigger, Take a pause, hold back the immediate urge to lash out and machine gun the whole place down). Before you open your mouth to offer an opinion or pass judgement, get all the facts or at least research from different sources to be informed enough so you can think things through first.
Before you say something, stop and think how you’d feel if someone said it to you. Think about your words before you let them leave your lips. Be mindful.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
So if you can’t be kind, be quiet.